


Blood stained hand

by oliviiaiines



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Harry, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Godfather Sirius Black, Harry Potter Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Hurt/Comfort, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 14:57:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11382540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oliviiaiines/pseuds/oliviiaiines
Summary: Sometimes, the burning pain on Harry's hand seemed to be the only reminder that he was still alive. Too often then not, Harry felt as though there was a war waging in his head.-Where Sirius isn't as oblivious as you think and finds out about Umrbidges blood quill, and helps Harry heal.





	Blood stained hand

Harry sighed heavily, turning to look outside the window of his room at Grimmauld Place. 

"I know I should tell them, Hermione, we've had this conversation many times before," he said, with a tone of irritation. 

"Then why haven't you Harry?" 

"Because _she_  can't know that she got to me, that  _she_  won-"

"Won what exactly?" said Hermione, clearly frustrated. "Harry, you are in  _constant_  pain, you can't even lift your hand without wincing!" 

Ron nodded in agreement when Hermione shot a glare at him. Harry rolled his eyes, "It's not that bad," 

"Not that bad? Harry are you mad? You have deep wounds _carved_  into your hand!" Hermione all but whisptered. "If-if you don't tell at least Sirius, then I-I will," she continued. 

Harry turned to look at her, his heart suddenly racing. "You wouldn't," he said, staring into Hermione's glistening eyes, "you wouldn't betray my trust like that," 

Hermione looked as though she was at a loss for words. She glanced helplessly at Ron, who looked down at the floor. "Surely," she said quietly, "you understand that by refusing to tell someone of authority, your ensuring that Umbridge will use this method on another student,"

"It's my fault now? Is-" Harry tried to argue but fell silent when Hermione stood up, tears rolling down her cheeks. "She could be using it,  _on a first year_   Harry, and you're too full of yourself to make it stop!" And with that, she stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her, leaving a perplexed Harry and Ron behind.

"She's got a point you know mate," Ron said, speaking up for the first time since the conversation had started. "It's not just a question of your safety anymore." 

* * *

Harry heavily considered skipping dinner.

He had no appetite and he didn't think he could civilly converse with the rest of the residents of Grimmauld Place.

Sirius had been distant toward him, locking himself in Buckbeaks room and coming out only for meals and Order meetings. Sirius' behavior only brought Harry more reason to believe the small voice in the back of his head that he had become a burden. Part of him knew it was silly to think, but lately his foul mood had brought thoughts of the darker kind. Those of the nature which made him want to bang his head against the wall until they went away. 

He felt  _vulnerable_. 

After the attack on Mr. Weasley and the occlumency lessons, he felt as though there was nothing that was his. His memories were no longer secret and if Voldemort really could get into his head so easily, were any of his thoughts his own? He felt as though he was in a constant battle with himself. He felt tired constantly, all he wanted to do was sleep, but sleep brought nightmares which Harry wanted to avoid.

He was  _lost_.

He couldn't talk to Ron or Hermione without either one telling him that he needed to talk to Dumbledore or Sirius. Often, Harry felt as though they didn't really hear what he was really saying. 

And he couldn't talk to his Godfather. The same man, who told Harry time and time again that he could tell him anything- that he was always there for Harry. The thought made Harry want to laugh. Where was that man when he really needed him? Where was _anyone_  when Harry really needed them?

He hadn't felt this alone in a long time. 

Harry made his way glumly down the stairs toward the kitchen. 

"Harry!" Mrs.Weasley said as he entered the kitchen. He saw Hermione and Ron glance at him before returning to their conversation with Ron's brother, Bill. 

"We thought you had fallen alseep! Take a seat and fill up your plate love," 

Harry smiled gently at her before taking a seat beside Fred and Tonks, with Sirius sitting across from him, who merely glanced his way. Harry felt his stomach drop.

"Watcha Harry," Tonks asked as he piled a small amount of food onto his plate. 

"Fine," he lied. He tried to eat as quickly as possible, but could barely swallow his food for his throat felt dry. 

"Hermione tells me you've been quite the trouble maker Harry," said Remus who was sitting next to Hermione at the end of the table. Harry felt his blood run cold. 

He licked his lips, coughing awkwardly. "Had a couple of detentions, nothing serious," he said, trying to sound nonchalant. 

"These detentions come from Snape or?" Remus pressed. Harry suddenly felt all the eyes in the room on him. He quickly glanced at Hermione. 

"No, from Umbridge actually," 

"Real toad that one if you ask me," said George.

"No one did," said Mrs. Weasley, sending a warning look toward the red head.

"Honestly, crazy that one, we're learning nothing in her classes! If it wasn't for Harry-" Fred stopped abruptly, Hermione looked alarmed.

"Tutoring us," said Ron coolly, "in Defense Against the Dark Arts that is."

All eyes, even Sirius', shifted toward Harry again, and he hoped he didn't look as uncomfortable as he felt. "Is that so?" Remus asked, an amused look on his face.

"Yeah," Harry said, forcing himself to smile again. He shrugged his overly large shirt unconscionably over his hand under the table.

After multiple questions on who else he was tutoring and it was going overall, the conversation, to Harry's relief, quickly shifted from him to how Mr.Weasley was doing. 

"He's healing," Mrs.Weasley said gently, Bill put a reassuring arm on her shoulder. Harry felt sick, the roomed seemed to be enclosing around them slowly...

"He should be home soon..." 

A chorus of thats lovely rang around the room. Harry's heart however, seemed to be racing, and he started intently at the cup in front of him. He was shaking. 

"Are you alright Harry?" asked Tonks. Putting her hand up to Harry's forehead, Harry flinched, abruptly standing up, the sound of the chair falling to ground filling the now silent room. "I'm-Uh- Fine. Thanks for dinner," he said to Mrs. Weasley, who was now staring at him with wide eyes. 

Harry staggered out of the room, not daring to look at anyone else. He shook his head when he heard Remus call him. He made his way up the stairs, his mind raising and his hand burning. He didn't want to talk to anyone, he didn't want to look at anyone... 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So basically this was the first chapter of a story that i think will be about 5 chapters long in total, and feels almost like a filler chapter to be honest. THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE BETTER I PROMISE. 
> 
> Please leave a comment and tell me if you like the story thus far and what I could do to make it better!


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